Laundry Quandry

Posted on January 11, 2014 under Storytelling with no comments yet


As far as males go, I am a reasonably domesticated animal.  I do my share of the grocery shopping and cooking.  I know what a vacuum is used for and I take out the garbage and recycling dutifully every Monday morning.  I even do laundry and iron my own shirts.

Recently my wife ventured off to Montreal to visit one of our granddaughters.  I was “home alone.”  In the lead up to Christmas, there was quite a bit of commotion around the house so, during this period of calm, I decided to tackle the beds … all seven of them.  They are an assortment of singles, doubles and queens.  Prior to marriage, the only thing I knew about singles and doubles was that they were a unit of measurement for alcohol.

When it comes to doing the beds, I have developed a fool proof system.  I do one bed at a time plus the pillow cases and then throw in a few other towels, underwear and socks to balance the load.  I learned from experience (bad experience) that trying to do several beds at once is not advisable.  Trying to match up sheets and pillow cases to the correct bed is simply a non-starter.

Everything was going along smoothly until I made a fatal error.  I texted my wife.

“I am changing the beds upstairs.”  Her reply:  “There is a set of fuzzy sheets for the double beds.  One of the double beds is already changed so you only have to do one”.   Simple enough.  Hard on the heels of the first message and before I could hit the reply button, came the following:  “There are two sets of white fuzzy sheets for the little beds.”

“I stripped the bed in the baby’s room and one bed where DJ was sleeping.  One of those has blue fuzzy sheets.”

“In the room with two little beds is another set of blue fuzzy sheets”… (confusion is now setting in). “Those fit the bed where DJ was sleeping.  Put them on it.”

“Gotcha.  And the other blue fuzzy set in the wash go back on the bed in the baby’s room, right?”

“You will have to wash the blue sheets from the baby’s room.  They fit our bed.  Then wash the yellow sheets from our bed and put them on the bed in the baby’s room.  Or if our sheets are Ok just wash and replace the blue fuzzy sheets on the bed in the baby’s room.”

Have you ever seen or heard the comedy skit “Who’s on First” by Abbott and Costello?  Go and listen to it immediately and then compare it to the passage you’ve just read.

I now have a much better understanding of the phrase “three sheets to the wind”.  It probably started after a man had his first lesson in changing beds and he threw the whole lot out the window.

Time to put this story to bed.

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Highland Hearing Clinic

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