Monday Morning Musings

Posted on February 24, 2020 under Monday Morning Musings with one comment

Fawlty Showers?


“Cleanliness is next to godliness.”

Quote attributed to the ancient Hebrews and Babylonians.

Shower versus bath? It is the question for the ages, right up there with the toilet paper roll. Should it be facing up or down?

I obviously have a fair bit of time on my hands when I can ponder such weighty matters. Maybe this is what isolation does to someone from “the south”.

Last week, I moved into my new apartment. Well, it’s new to me but by the looks of it, it may have been constructed around the time I was born. You’re right. I was supposed to move into the brand new fourplex built by the School Board, but I ended up in one of their other buildings. You have far better things to do with your life than hear about the machinations that led to my change of address.
I am not unhappy with the move.

Someone who walked through the apartment at the time of the move said that it needed some love. I was thinking that a Caterpillar D8 dozer, a lightning strike or a tsunami sweeping up Wakem Bay might be more appropriate. The apartment is dated but so am I so we’re a perfect fit. The floors need to be levelled and replaced. (The D8?) So do the windows and many appliances. But there is one gem – the bathroom. It is fairly modern. This is a relative term.

When I think of the great joys in life, I imagine a fantastic meal, a good night’s sleep, true love, or a Wheel Pizza. I’ll add one more to the list: a hot shower with good water pressure. One would think with evolution and natural selection that we would have perfected this creature comfort but “we haven’t come a long way, baby”, as finding a great shower can be elusive.

Hotels are notorious for faulty showers. Hey, maybe I’ll approach the BBC and start a new comedy series with this catchy title. Not that I frequent fancy hotels very often unless there is no choice, but keyless entries, remote controls, and mysterious shower fixtures keep staff busy running back and forth to my room.

I also found some interesting configurations during my time in India. I could eventually get them to work but was never certain on any given day whether I would be taking a hot shower or a cold one.

During my walk across Spain, I encountered some of the tiniest shower facilities on the planet. I have come to realize that the Conquistadors did not come to the New World seeking gold but rather bigger showers.

Forty years ago, I had my first knee operation. Back then they immobilized you, keeping you in a cast for 3-6 months. Taking a shower was a tricky endeavor, wrapping the leg and cast in green garbage bags. After a month of sponge baths, having a shower was pure ecstasy. I also remember clearly my first shower after having the cast removed. My leg looked like a toothpick on the Scarsdale diet!

So many shower heads just don’t work well. Add to this, shitty water pressure and you get an intermittent stream of water that couldn’t satify a squirrel.

My “new” old apartment has an awesome shower. I don’t care if they renovate my place (which they are threatening to do) and install crystal chandeliers along with a Dolby sound system playing Charley Pride. I will give them strict instructions to keep their hands off the shower.

Some of the new shower heads are bigger than the one sitting on my shoulders… and just as inefficient.

A great shower washes away one’s worries, cures aches and pains, soothes the spirit, and provides inspiration for writing stories and songs.

It also improves a person’s attitude and makes them smell better!

Before you shower your friends with praise, have a hot shower first.

Have a great week.

P.S. Don’t forget. It’s a leap year. This Saturday is February 29th. I have pledged not to drink any red wine on February 30th or 31st!

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Highland Hearing Clinic

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