Pucks and Panties

Posted on December 17, 2013 under Storytelling with one comment

There are very few things that will get a man’s heart aflutter.  Maybe a new sports car or a Harley?  A road trip with the boys or an all you can eat buffet?  The list is pretty short.  Once you reach a certain age, there’s not much that impresses a guy any more.

Except a new large screen, smart television.

Most men I know are sports fanatics, and there is no greater joy than going to the man cave with a cold beer and a bag of perfectly salted potato chips to watch the latest game or sporting event.

With this in mind, a friend’s  bride of thirty some years decided to surprise her husband with a brand new, 54” flat screen TV, an early Christmas present so that he could watch the World Junior Hockey tournament on Boxing Day.  You don’t just take the TV out of the box and mount it on the wall in a few minutes.  If you are handy and have tools, it can take the better part of a morning.   And if you really want to go the extra mile, you can hire a competent techie to come to your home to make sure the hi-def settings and color are perfect.

He was obviously thrilled when she presented him with this gift two weeks before Christmas.  Knowing full well the delicate scales of justice in a marriage, he wondered what this was going to cost him in the days to come.  No request from his wife would seem unreasonable.

It just so happened that the day the television was installed was the same day that the Montreal Canadiens and Toronto Maple Leafs were playing.

His wife also noticed in the program listings for that day that there was a Victoria’s Secret Christmas Special to be aired at the same time as the hockey game.  She was mildly interested in seeing the newest line of lingerie.

He arrived home from a long day at work.  He gobbled down his supper and bounded down the stairs, heading for the remote control.  She hadn’t seen him move this quickly since he crossed the floor at the Parish Centre in 1969 to ask her to dance.  She happened to mention that there was a program that she might like to watch.  It barely registered.

Within minutes she could hear the telltale sounds of the hockey broadcast blasting through the rec room.  She stood at the top of the stairs and peered down at her husband.  It seemed a bit odd as his head seemed to be moving from side to side, something like you see at a tennis match with spectators following the ball from one side of the court to the other.  He had a silly grin on his face.

Her curiosity piqued, she decided to check it out.

A wizard with gadgets, he had figured out one of the options on the Smart TV very quickly: the split screen.  He watched the fast paced action of the game all the while keeping his eyes transfixed on the new line of lacy bras and underwear.

He pondered his good fortune and thought that should he die at this very moment, he would die with no regrets.  Then his wife snuggled down beside him to happily watch her show … the end to a perfect evening.


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