The Longest Day

Posted on January 4, 2014 under Storytelling with no comments yet

If you think that June 21st is the longest day of the year, you are mistaken.  I am here to state the case that January 2nd holds that distinction.

Let’s review the life cycle of New Year’s Eve.  When you are young and single, going out on New Year’s Eve is a rite of passage.  It is the first time that you can legitimately kiss any woman in the room on the lips at midnight, without the slightest hint of retribution.  Ditto for warm body embraces.  You can drink gallons of alcohol with reckless abandon.  Your buddies holding up the wall beside you will scarcely notice.  There is a very good chance that in the wee hours of the morning, you will do the “walk of shame”.  Admit it men.  You’ve done all of the above.

And then, you get married.  Until children arrive on the scene, you are still full of piss and vinegar and can’t wait to show off your new bride to the adoring masses.  You pick the hottest party in town, the place where lots of other young married couples and singles just have to be seen.  The scene is not a whole lot different from when you were single except for the kisses and body embraces.  These are now monitored very closely by at least one person.  Hold on to a kiss for a nanosecond too long with an old girlfriend and you are in deep trouble.  You might be doing the walk of shame again but for a totally different reason.

Within a few years, the pitter patter of small feet graces your house and now New Year’s Eve looks very different to your wife.  She desperately wants to go out, especially if she has been the primary caregiver of an infant.  She has been held hostage for months on end and is pleading with the warden for time off for good behaviour.  However, she is also totally stressed out with the thought of leaving a handful of small children with a sitter.  Add to all this, serious sleep deprivation and you have a recipe for anything but fun.  It is not uncommon to hear these words around 11:45 PM: “Get me out of here.  I am going to kill someone if you don’t take me home immediately”.  You don’t argue with a woman bereft of sleep.   No kisses are exchanged this New Years.

The years go by and when the kids are a little older, going out on New Year’s Eve is far less appealing. They are now caught up in the excitement of watching the clock tick down while all you want to do is go to bed.  This is exactly what you do, and wait for them to wake you up at 11:55 PM to ring in the New Year.

And you watch the Royal Canadian Air Farce on CBC.

At a certain juncture, house parties become all the rage.  These can be a lot of fun but by now, you have teenagers and you spend the entire night wondering what kind of trouble they are getting into.

And just like that, you are receiving your first Canada Pension Plan cheque.  You realize that the jig is up and that you can no longer eat and drink indiscriminately for the twelve days of Christmas.  And when does this thought cross your mind?  January 2nd.  The longest day of the year.  Reality hits.  You are broke, bloated and bleary eyed.  You start your resolution list and at the very top is a promise to never again eat or drink to excess.

At least not until February.   Nova Scotia is threatening to institute a new holiday which may be the perfect time to throw out all of those useless resolutions.



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