Thursday Tidbits

Posted on March 12, 2020 under Thursday Tidbits with one comment

A sight for sore throats


I have a man cold.

Let that settle in for a few minutes.

I was planning to leave the rest of this piece blank and let mothers, wives, and, women from all walks of life have their way with me but that’s like lobbing a baseball to Babe Ruth. I can already see you rolling your eyes.

I’m pretty sure it’s not Covid-19. No self- respecting virus could survive in -53 temperatures.

Women who have witnessed a man cold can attest that it’s serious stuff. Some have compared the agony of watching a man in the throes of an illness to that of childbirth or passing a kidney stone. At least children grow up and a kidney stone will eventually pass but a man cold can linger for days or even weeks.

And when, you ask, did the dreaded malady first manifest itself? In a cruel twist of irony, it befell me on International Women’s Day. While I was trumpeting all the wonderful women in my life that day, I was lying on the couch, suffering…alone… in silence.

Which begs the question. If a man has a man cold and no woman is around to watch it, does it really qualify as a man cold? Man cold is a spectator sport. If no one is around to hear you whining, hacking, and sneezing, then no pity can be showered on you. The only thing worse than being pitied is not being pitied. Pitiful.

I know some of you won’t believe a word of this, but men actually do suffer more than women when a cold strikes. There is scientific proof. Women’s immune systems are superior than men ( No surprise there) and they are not as easily affected by viruses as men.

So, this woman goes to the pharmacy to get some medicine for her beloved. “My husband has a cold. Do you have those euthanasia pills?” Pharmacist. “I think you mean echincea pills.” Woman. “No.”

Overheard one day at Sobey’s – “When my husband is sick, I feel so bad for me.”

I’m not one to take a man cold lying down although I have slept more than usual. Of course, that could also be chalked up to getting older, another irreversible disease. Yes. I drank lots of water and orange juice. I binged watched “Suits” and read a few chapters of an 1100 biography on the life of Winston Churchill (single spaced and the tiniest font I have ever seen.) Now, on top of a man cold, I am going blind.

When the going gets tough, the tough get baking. To ward off evil spirits I made three different types of cookies over the past few days – 8 dozen in total. I know that eating warm cookies washed down with cold milk will cure just about anything that ails you.

Just when my man cold had reached its zenith a few days ago, the Public Health Officer of Canada threw cold water on my planned Caribbean cruise at Spring Break. Can you imagine a massive cruise ship with thousands of men suffering from a real illness?

My son is working on one of those cruise ships. He opined as many other have that the only real danger posed by Covid-19 are those with severely compromised health or old people. Being 68 with a man cold sounds like a fit the profile perfectly.

I just might end up staying in the north and going ice fishing.

I must be careful though. If I don’t catch any arctic char but catch a cold, that will spell trouble. Two man colds in succession might just spell the end.

Have a great weekend.

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