Thursday Tidbits

Posted on July 9, 2020 under Thursday Tidbits with one comment

 

 

 

One of the many uses of bananas

 

The truth hurts… most of the time.

I find that the older I get, the less likely I am to beat around the bush. I say what’s on my mind and rarely worry about the consequences. It’s not that I don’t care any more it’s just that I don’t care anymore! I see nods of approval from many of my aging readers. It’s kind of refreshing, wouldn’t you say, to just be perfectly candid. Honesty is the best policy, especially when you’re over the age of 65.

I recently went to a local watering hole to listen to some live music for the first time in almost a year. This establishment had taken all the necessary precautions to keep patrons safe. The one exception is that they didn’t turn off the beer taps. Tables were well spaced, surfaces immaculate, a sign in sheet as you entered, and masked waitresses who looked like they could be members of Jesse James “Younger Gang”.

I saw a table of friends who had also emerged from their caves to see what the new world looked like. I wandered over to say hello. We exchanged pleasantries and bumped elbows. One of the people at the table looked at me and came out with this gem. “My, Leonard. You have certainly gained weight since the last time I saw you.” It was the truth and I couldn’t deny it. Rather than feeling maligned and resorting to a fit of pique and sulking, I took the high ground. I went to my booth, ordered an enormous burger with the works, along with a mountain of fries, and washed it down with two tall glasses of Keith’s draft. “Take that, you old bat!”

Sometimes what we hear, is not actually what we process.

We’ve all had this happen to us back in the day when we endlessly listened to the “hit parade” on our favourite radio station. If the song was a hit, you might here it multiple times a day for weeks on end. Back then you couldn’t simply Google the lyrics. If you were really diligent, you would buy the vinyl record, put it on the turntable, and lift the needle off and on repeatedly as you tried to figure out the lyrics. Even then you might not pick up on some of the subtleties. Take for instance, Kenny Rogers’ Lucille. For the longest time, I thought the words went like this: “You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille; Four hundred children and a crop in the fields.” No wonder Lucille left him.

So when I first heard the now ubiquitous phrase, “flattening the curve”, I was certain that they were saying “fattening the curve.”

I decided to take the message seriously. Self-isolation was the perfect starting point.

I remained sedentary for the better part of two weeks limiting my exercise to several trips a day to the fridge. When I felt lethargic, I would take a nap, sometimes two. I removed the bathroom scale. I baked almost daily. I binge watched Netflix and often washed this down with a second course of Crave. I drank beer and wine. On hot days, I drank beer. On chilly, overcast days, I drank wine. When the weather forecast was unpredictable, I took no chances and had some of both.

After my period of self-isolation, I quickly morphed into self-destruction. Once the lockdown was eased, I did my best to single handedly keep the local restaurants and bars in business. Yes, I did manage to limit the damage by doing some long walks and hikes, but we all know that input and output are not evenly correlated. A 40 kilometer walk might counteract some, but not all, of the effect of those burgers, fries, and beer.

On Monday, while passing the fridge, I noticed a few lonely, marginally overripe bananas. As far as I can tell, there are 4 things one can do with bananas slightly past their prime:

• You can compost them which is an environmentally conscientious thing to do.
• You can eat them. Purists say that this is the time when bananas are at their most nutritious.
• You can freeze them. Of course, we all understand that there is a zero chance that these will ever see the light of day unless you move or die. Face it. All you’re really doing is hiding them to assuage your guilt for the thought of throwing them out.
• You can make a banana cream pie.

Each of these options has its merits but if you’re trying to “fatten the curve” there is really no choice.

Have a great weekend.