Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom (And Whimsy)

Posted on August 17, 2022 under Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom with 2 comments


The rocky shoreline at Black Brook Beach


“It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie, yellow polka dot bikini,

That she wore for the first time today.”

Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie, Yellow Polka Dot Bikini – Brian Hyland

Ah, summer.

Beaches, barbeques, beer and bikinis.

Timothy found love in the late innings. After countless searches on various dating sites for older folk, he finally found the woman of his dreams. She was intelligent, curious, mischievous, playful, and quite attractive. They both loved the outdoors, spending quality time on long hikes. As long as there was a beach nearby to cool off after one of their adventures, then all was right with the world.

Maud loved to swim. No one had ever referred to Timothy as a fish, his swimming talents modest at best. A fish out of water, possibly?!

One minor inconvenience in this budding relationship was the fact that this couple lived several hundred kilometers apart. Getting together in the winter months wasn’t easy but the summer presented more opportunities with long evenings enabling one or the other to drive home after a visit.

Face to face visits were sporadic. Most of their communicating was done by e-mail, texts, and FaceTime

The romance was going swimmingly.

On one excursion to the beach, Timothy noticed that Maud was wearing something on her feet as she crossed the rocky shoreline and entered the ocean. He was quite sure that she wasn’t a mermaid and upon inquiry, discovered that she was wearing aqua shoes. This was something new to Timothy. Aqua shoes are a type of footwear that are typically used for activities where the feet are likely to become wet, like kayaking. They are usually made of mesh and have a hard sole used to prevent cuts and abrasions when walking in wet, rocky environments.

In Timothy’s youth, he had been a bit of a beach bum and as such, never needed fancy footwear on the beach, the soles of his feet as tough as the hide of a leatherback turtle. But now in his golden years and trips to the beach few and far between, the bottoms of his feet had the texture of unroasted marshmallows. He saw the wisdom of Maud wearing these shoes and commented on her common sense.

A knock came on Timothy’s door. It was the day after his birthday. A pleasant man from Fedex handed him a package. His heart swelled when he saw that it was from the new love of his life. “How thoughtful” he mused to himself. Maud would be arriving in a few days to celebrate his birthday belatedly.

He grabbed a pair of scissors and opened the package. In his senior years, Timothy found that much of today’s packaging of products required a degree in engineering to pry open.

He grinned as he extricated a pair of black aqua shoes. “What a sweetheart” he thought to himself. It was a generous and considerate gift and oh so practical. Now, when they walked from the cottage to the shoreline, he wouldn’t have to tiptoe like an intruder in the night. He immediately tried them on and did a lap around his apartment. They were perfect.

There was a second article in the package. It too was black and for a brief moment, Timothy cheekily thought that she might have purchased him a sexy, black Speedo bathing suit to go with his new footwear. He would cut a dashing figure on the beach. He fumbled with the packaging and soon discovered that it was NOT a Speedo. Timothy would not be wearing this article of clothing any time soon. It was a bra.

At first blush, Timothy was puzzled. But he quickly put two (cups) and two together and realized that her playfulness was on full display. He was already starting to think about their weekend together. Besides being mischievous, Maud was also a hopeless romantic and this gesture was surely a sign that love was in the air.

Or should I say love was an error.

He immediately went to his laptop and tapped out a message, thanking Maud for the aqua shoes and the bra. He teased her about the provocative and suggestive nature of the second part of the gift.

“You opened the package?” was her curt reply. “Didn’t you read the label on the package?”

On hearing this revelation, Timothy felt like a boob.

Men are not the most observant member of the species. When they receive a package or a gift, they usually just start ripping and tearing and leave the niceties of the sender until later. Timothy, indeed, had not carefully read the label. He had taken a cursory look at it and all he saw was Maud’s name. Yes, Maud had sent the package from Walmart, but she was the recipient of the package. Her plan had been to open it when she arrived for the weekend.

This was an honest mistake and oversight on Timothy’s part, and he apologized profusely but that still didn’t answer his lingering question about the bra. As it turns out, this had nothing to do with titillation. You see, among Maud’s many wonderful characteristics, prudence and practicality are two of her strong suits. In order for her to get free shipping for the aqua shoes, she needed to make another purchase. She opted for a new bra for herself. A Speedo had never entered her consciousness.

Timothy was forgiven for his transgressions, and he promised to keep abreast of things in the future.

Have a great weekend

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