Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom (And Whimsy)

Posted on March 8, 2023 under Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom with one comment

 

Pooch Paradise

 

Reincarnation.

Noun.

The rebirth of a soul in a new body. A person or animal in whom a particular soul is believed to have been reborn.

I don’t know anything about reincarnation, but I can tell you one thing. If reincarnation is real, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I want to come back as a dog, specifically a poodle.

I certainly don’t obsess about death but it crosses my mind with regularity as I scan the obituaries on a daily basis. Admit it, you old farts. You do the same damn thing. God, but we’re hopeless lot! I’m sure we all wonder what happens when we have “slipped the surly bonds of Earth and danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings”. (JGM). According to many posts on Facebook, that font of inexhaustible knowledge, animals cross over the Rainbow Bridge, eventually to be reunited with their owners.

So here, I unapologetically state my case for reincarnation and why a dog is my first choice as a new and improved entity.

According to many surveys of vets, a poodle is the second smartest breed of dog so it would make sense that if I come back to life, I would hope for vastly improved intelligence, seeing that I might have gotten a bit short changed in that category the first go around. I can tell you from experience, as a seasoned dog sitter, that poodles are very bright.

As far as I can tell, the life of a dog rotates between eating, sleeping and exercising, with a dose of farting thrown in for good measure. I love routines and dogs are no exception. They tend to eat at certain times, go for walks at the same time of the day. As far as sleeping goes, when not eating or walking, dogs have a pretty chilled existence spending the other 22 hours a day resting. Good work if you can get it.

Dogs don’t talk back. You never have to worry about losing an argument with a dog. We humans spend so much of our lives sparring with other people, wasting valuable oxygen in the process. Dogs just look at you with those droopy eyes and respond positively to anything you say especially if the word “food” or “out” is uttered.

A dog has his meals prepared for him every day and never has to do the dishes. Despite the fact that there are now restaurants for dogs, most canines prefer a steady diet of sameness. They never seem to get bored even if they have eaten the same meal 13,000 times. Each meal is a revelation and a bonanza. Some dogs eat methodically and patiently while other approach the dish as if they haven’t been fed in a month, inhaling the food with astonishing speed.

Dogs demonstrate unconditional love to their owners… and to anyone who hands them a treat while out walking. I desperately want to be a dog and go for a daily walk along the chip trail on Dallas Road in Victoria. I am being quite specific about where I want to be reincarnated. This is one of the most beautiful places in the country with the majestic Olympic mountain range across the Juan de Fuca Strait. The Dallas Road chip trail must have more dogs per square foot than anywhere else in the world. Dogs are king (queens) on this piece of paradise, and they are treated like rock stars. I want to spend my days running like the wind and being stopped every 50 feet to be told that I am beautiful, having my ears scratched, and handed treats.

One of the absolute best things about being a dog is that someone cleans up your shit, literally and figuratively. Humans have a way of getting themselves immersed in mounds of crap throughout their lives and sometimes it’s not easy to extricate themselves from the messes they create. A dog, on the other hand, just has to find the perfect spot to do his/her business and moments later, his owner picks it up. That is a pretty sweet deal. Many of you know that I am presently dog sitting in Victoria. I always carry a supply of poop bags with me on our twice daily walks. I have coined a new term for my waste disposal bags: Cooper Pooper Scoopers.

I don’t know much about the sex lives of dogs but when it comes to sleeping around, dogs have it made. No one ever questions a dog about where they slept or with whom. The doggy bed, couch, a chair, at the foot of the bed or in the bed are all real possibilities on any given night. A dog doesn’t have to wake up in the morning and explain his actions. He simply looks at his master and says, “Feed me and take me for a walk.”

I’ve stated my case and I’m sticking to it.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Have a great weekend.