Posted on October 21, 2013 under Monday Morning Musings with no comments yet

Man – O – Pause. Oops. I mean menopause. Last week I put an innocent comment on Facebook about an upcoming story that I’m writing about menopause. It is just about unanimous among the men respondents that I am neither brave nor courageous. They think I have taken leave of my senses. It’s hard enough bearing witness to this change of life let alone wading into shark infested waters by commenting on it. As I said to one person, I chose every one of the 616 words in the story very carefully. The story has already undergone four re-writes. It may surprise you that my editor ( Betty ) and I don’t agree 100% on the content of this story. I am hoping that The Casket will publish this next week. This may be one of those ” be careful what you wish for,” things. I may consider a prepaid funeral and a visit to see Joe about an appropriate headstone before publishing. In any event, I plan to go where no sane man has gone before. Coming soon, ” Heat Wave.”

Last Friday, Phil and I reprised our show for the Sisters up at Bethany. They were unable to attend our show at the university a few weeks ago as they were on retreat. I had a bit of fun with them while introducing the show. I told them that I heard other excuses for not coming including the flu and “prior commitments.” Don’t you love that expression. I mean, prior commitments could be anything from dusting the mantle to using the washroom. I told the Sisters that we accepted their explanation as utterly plausible. I am rarely nervous speaking in public but I wasn’t sure how we would be received. Guess what? Nuns are no different than us other than the fact they used to have bad habits! If you weren’t taught by nuns you won’t get that line. Google the word “habit.” We had a delightful time and were warmly received. The skunk story had at least one of the Sisters in hysterics.

I will have the book in my hands some time this week. I have received many orders already. My only regret is that just about everyone has indoor plumbing these days. The book would have been a great addition to the outhouse! Let me know if you want me to set aside a copy for you. Remember… a limit of 100 books per customer.

In conjunction with the book, I hope to have a new website up and running any day now which will include some new video footage from the fundraiser.

And coming tomorrow, the long awaited story about sex education.

Have a great week.

Posted on October 14, 2013 under Monday Morning Musings with one comment

Happy Thanksgiving Day. If you and your family are well, you have much to be thankful for.

My book is in the hands of the printer and I will have copies in my possession within the next week or so. If you live in the area, you can get one directly from me. I am working out the logistics of an e-book for those of you who live abroad. The books will also be available at the 5 to $1.00. If you go to the book tab, it will show the places and dates where I will be doing readings to support the launch of the book.

As promised, my story on the old Goodman store will appear tomorrow. It’s called “The Shape of Business.” While the pneumatic air tube system no longer exists in these parts, I am told by friends in Scotland that the technology is alive and well in some old stores over there. Many of us lament the passing of these wonderful old stores with their uneven floors and even tempered staff. Sorry. But they just don’t make many of them like this any more. Even I liked going to Margolians in Truro.

And speaking about stores, don’t you just love when there’s a sale? Not for me. It means that there will be crowds and wild eyed shoppers. A friend from Newfoundland was at a 30% sale not long ago. God love the young girl at the cash who wouldn’t know a percent from a unicorn. And I quote… ” Everything here is 30% off so you would get this $12.00 hat for, like, $6.00.”

I was thinking about the notion of retirement the other day ( not for me personally… just the notion! ). When I saw that Alice Munroe recently won a Nobel Prize for writing, I thought I would add this to my growing list of retirement strategies along with 649 tickets and Roll up the Rim.

I have a story coming up that just might be my favorite so far. I can’t tell you too much without spoiling it. I saw something on Facebook the other day. It was a word I had never seen before about a certain body part. The moment I saw it, the story crystallized. I can’t even alert you to the title nor will I put a picture with it when I publish it. Hint: it has to do with “sex education.”

Have a relaxing day.

LLL.

Posted on October 7, 2013 under Monday Morning Musings with 2 comments

                                                              ( Dave Brosha Photography )

Gosh. It’s hard for even a world class photographer like my nephew , Dave to make me look good. Of course he shoots landscapes and he hasn’t seen one quite like this in the north.

We’ll call this “Mistaken Identities 2 .” On the weekend I was attending Homecoming events at St.F.X. I went to the class dinner for the Class of ’73. I entered a room and it was filled with a bunch of old farts, until I realized that they were my classmates. Holy crap.  They’ve gotten old while I have somehow managed to remain so young looking. Yes, we have all changed and if you need any evidence, scroll to the bottom.  It is quite sobering to look around the room and realize that you are one of those old geezers that you used to look at when you had your 10th. reunion. We had a great time and Betty and I hosted them at our house for an evening of camaraderie and a few tunes. But not before a mixup.

Hands. How many people remember the movie “Cool Hand Luke?” Thought so. There is a famous line in the movie where the warden is speaking to the prisoner ( Paul Newman). Best line in the movie, hands down: “What we got here, is a failure to communicate.” The class picture was, how can I say this politely, a shit show. Poor Bernice, the photographer, was patiently (?) trying to get 40 or so reasonably lubricated senior citizens to organize themselves for the photo. It was just chaos, pure and simple.

 Knowing we had company coming to the house shortly, my wife decided that her time could be better used at home getting last minute things ready. Gee, why wouldn’t she rather hang around with a bunch of besotted people she didn’t even know? So off, she went leaving me carless… just one letter shy of careless. When the photo session ended, I hightailed it on foot, a pleasant walk of 2.5 kilometers. The streets were littered with students who had been drinking since early in the morning. I gave them a wide berth as I worried about a swarming. When I got home, I was surprised to see that the car wasn’t in the driveway. My guess was that Betty  was out getting some last minute items.

That is, until I entered the kitchen to find her there. She had taken a cab. I will spare you the discussion that ensued. Use your imaginations.

I walked down to the cathedral Sunday morning to pick up the car, only to discover that mass was on and that my car was completely boxed in by Christians. Penance for not listening closely to my wife the previous evening.

On a slightly more serious note, I attended the Georgetown Conference this past week on beautiful P.E.I. It was a gathering of people from every corner of Atlantic Canada who came on their own dime to address the challenges we face in our region. The conference theme was “Redefining Rural.” Many small towns and villages are in serious trouble with the decline of our once vibrant primary industries coupled with the out migration to the West of our citizens, young and old. We heard from many speakers about what they were doing in their communities to re-invent their economies. I have a piece coming out in this week’s Casket and would respectfully ask that you take a look at it.

I have a running story coming at you tomorrow. It is a true story…sort of. Well, it’s partially true except for the parts that I made up. All you runners will get a kick out of this. At one point in my running career, placing well in my age group was always a badge of honor until I realized that absolutely nobody, not even your wife or your dog, gives a shit about where you placed. This story is called “Pegged For Success.”

So, why would my fellow classmates not be able to recognize me after 40 years?