Thursday Tidbits

Posted on October 28, 2021 under Thursday Tidbits with one comment

Blurring the lines

 

“I fall to pieces, each time I see you again,

I fall to pieces; how can I be just your friend.”

I Fall to Pieces – Patsy Kline

Of course, Patsy is singing about love. It’s hard falling in and out of love. Relationships are hard. I don’t think romance writing, or romance for that matter, is my strong suit. I’ll stick to the mundane.

Sometimes I wonder if my body is my friend. My back hurts. My knee hurts. My neck hurts. Actually, a number of people have said that I’m a pain in the neck… and other body parts too.  My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. I wear progressive lenses. It’s the only thing progressive about Len. I have been told that my hearing is poor, but I think that’s more about the absence of active listening than hearing loss. My cholesterol is elevated. My muscles suffer from atrophy… mostly my brain. Ok, so the brain is not technically a muscle but an organ. It does however play a huge role in controlling muscles throughout your body. I think this particular organ needs a good tuning.

I am often chided for dwelling on growing old. I’m happy to be aging. It’s much better than the alternative. But most of us realize that the warranty on our bodies is finite.

On Friday night last week, I woke up and the bedroom was spinning. The last time that I had even remotely had this sensation was after a nasty encounter with a bottle of tequila back in my university days. I knew that the cause of my distress was definitely not alcohol. I wondered if the large piece of Betty Crocker French Vanilla cake with chocolate icing that I had consumed right before bed, could have possibly been my downfall. If that had been the case, I would have been suffering from vertigo for most of my life.

I don’t alarm easily but I must admit that my first reaction was that I was having a life changing event. I wasn’t in any pain, so I quickly ruled out a heart attack. Ditto for stroke. The episode lasted about 20 seconds followed by nausea. I put two and two together and reckoned that I had just experienced vertigo for the first time.

I lay very still for several minutes trying to decide what to do. Mother nature solved the conundrum quite nicely by advising that I go for my nightly pee. I cautiously put my feet on the floor, and I am happy to report that I made it to the bathroom without any accidents. I crawled back into bed, but sleep would not come easily. It was the nausea as much as anything. I normally toss and turn in my sleep. “Well I was tossin’ and turnin’, turnin’ and tossin’; A tossin’ and turnin’ all night.” (Bobby Lewis). I lay on my back perfectly still for what seemed an eternity. I even turned on my cell phone as a distraction. If you’re used to sleeping on your side, you know that you will never fall asleep lying flat on your back. Eventually, I rolled over to my right. Mercifully, the room didn’t change positions with me.

But I am a creature of habit and an imperfect human specimen. (“No shit”, I can hear you saying!) I eventually rolled over to my left and once again the room started to pirouette. The only real good news here is that this was a Friday night, and I didn’t have to be concerned about going to work the next day.

I have a brother who is a retired lawyer. Over the years, I leaned on him for sage advice… pro bono, of course! As I lay in bed pondering the current state of affairs, I knew that my first call the next morning would be to my brother, an ENT physician (Ears, Nose, Throat).

He listened attentively to my symptoms and concluded that I likely had BPV, a very common malady, as it turns out. Knowing that I was definitely a glass half full kind of guy, I immediately understood the acronym: Bring Positive Vibes. No. BPV stands for Benign Positional Vertigo. It happens to a lot of people and not just old retreads like me. He asked if I had suffered any acute hearing loss. I told them that this had happened a few times during my marriage. (I’m going to get in big trouble for that quip). He recommended exercise to cure this problem with the crystals in my ear. Crystals are like tiny rocks. He likened it to a rock rolling around inside your car tire. Of course, if your symptoms are worse, seek medical attention. Not only do I give lousy advice on love, but I will refrain in future from discussing serious medical issues.

Exercise? I wondered if he wanted me to stand on my head or try yogic flying. Like most mere mortals, I was expecting a quick fix with drugs but apparently one of the best remedies is doing Brandt-Daroff Habituation exercises or going to see your family doctor to confirm the diagnosis and have them perform an Epley Maneuver.  He went on to explain to me that many people in my situation would immediately run to an emergency department at the hospital. They would likely get an expensive scan and possibly receive a prescription. There would be an excellent chance that the problem would not be resolved. Now, of course, I had the luxury of getting advice from a family member who happens to be an ENT, but I guess the lesson is for all of us to try and avoid emergency rooms where possible. In this era of telemedicine (especially during Covid), many medical issues can be managed without clogging up an already fragile medical system.

I tried the exercise for a few days- a nauseating experience. You’re basically asking your body to create vertigo. A few days later I went to the nursing station and had the Epley Maneuver. I’m happy to report that I am on the mend.

A few years ago, while doing the New York Times crossword puzzle, I noticed a blurring of vison, with little dots passing back and forth across my eyes. I scheduled an appointment with my excellent optometrist, Jolene (not THAT Jolene of Dolly Parton fame) and she assured me that these “floaters” were common and not to worry.

One other thing. My brother advised me to avoid craning my neck. I guess that rules out visiting Old Montreal on a warm summer’s evening. Some of you know what I mean.

Now I can attest that I have stars in my eyes and rocks in my head.

“Take another little piece of my heart now, baby.” Janis Joplin

…and my knees, and my back, and my eyes and my ears….

Have a great weekend.

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Thursday Tidbits

Posted on October 21, 2021 under Thursday Tidbits with 3 comments

Old things

 

“You may delay, but time will not.”

Benjamin Franklin.

Procrastination.

I was going to write about this sooner, but I kept putting it off.

Two deaths on Monday got me to thinking a lot about where I’m at,at this point in my life. I knew one of the deceased. Mike was a talented musician. I met him in the early 80s when he was a music student at St.F.X. He hadn’t been well for some time and succumbed to his illness. He was only 61, far, far too young to leave his wife and family. I did not know the second person. He was the brother of talented journalist, Neil MacDonald. Neil spoke glowingly about his brother and ended his tribute with this lovely line: “We started laughing together in grade school and never stopped, until he did.”

I promise that I’m not going to go full maudlin on you, but death is so common these days. I guess it has been forever thus, but it just seems to me that we can barely get through a week, let alone a day, without news of someone we know or love passing on.

My Monday post chronicled my efforts to clean out a very messy resource room at school. I received a lot of response. Some of you are full blown crazy like me and like things looking orderly, every waking minute of the day. A few of you confessed that you are procrastinators and are forever putting things off. I’m sure there’s a happy medium.

For those of you who are habitual procrastinators let me offer you this pearl of wisdom. What in the hell are you waiting for? Maybe it’s time for you to literally and figuratively clean out your closet, (basements, garages etc.). Unless you believe in reincarnation, you only have one life to live. Don’t wait for a crisis to jolt you into action. Lethargy is a friend of the devil. Why not try something new and daring or just make a ‘to do’ list and actually cross a few things off?

Learn how to make bread. Start walking. Find a new love … or lover! When Covid permits, why not travel around your province or state or, gasp travel outside your region. Even if this doesn’t appeal to you, there is nothing stopping you from traveling outside your comfort zone. That takes place in your head.

“I can’t tell you if there’s anything after this life, but I can give you a tip. Live as if there is not. As if this is your only chance to enjoy, to love, to exist.” Baruch de Spinoza – Dutch philosopher

I watched Lady Chatterly’s Lover on the weekend. I had forgotten (wink, wink) that this was a pretty racy piece that D.H. Lawrence penned in 1928. Here’s a quote from the movie that caught my eye: “I want to live my life so that my nights are not full of regrets.”

Enough pontificating, but you get my drift.

Now for something pretty ridiculous. I’ve been on a bit of a health kick lately. No alcohol and very modest amounts of sweets. I still walk a lot and lately have been working with a personal trainer trying to loosen some very tight muscles. So far so good. My diet still leaves a lot to be desired. A friend loaned me a book about nutrition. Superlife by Darin Olien purports to provide the reader with “five simple fixes that will make you healthy, fit and eternally awesome.” I doubt if I will ever achieve those lofty heights but I’m always ready to try something new. It so happened that I started reading this book on Saturday, the day after one of the most physically demanding weeks of my life, my tank was empty. I had zero energy. It was cold and rainy, the perfect weather to be a total slug. As I read more and more of the book I kept saying “Yes, yes, Len, you can do this. Be bold. Try something new.” From what I could glean from the book, my best bet was alfalfa sprouts and water. It seemed like most foods harbored some evil chemicals.

As the day wore on, I felt that I had to get off the couch and walk 500 yards to the nearest grocery store. It also houses the post office so, at a bare minimum, I could check my mail and get a breath of fresh air. It was getting close to supper, and I had zero interest in cooking. I was also hungry. We all know that the 11th commandment goes something like this: “Thou shalt not go into a grocery store when ravenous.”

Dear reader, I am ashamed and a bit embarrassed to tell you that I made two purchases and neither of them was sprouts. The first was a bag of Old Dutch ripple potato chips. I hadn’t had a single potato chip since August and the craving was overwhelming. The second was a frozen, packaged dinner. It wasn’t quite a TV dinner but pretty damn close. Instead of a robust and healthy supper according to Mr. Olien, I had an appetizer of potato chips followed be a microwave dinner. And you know what? I didn’t feel even a tinge of guilt and loathing about my shitty choices for supper. Had I died that night, it would have been without regret… and with a touch of salt on my lips!

Now that I have crossed procrastination off my list, what’s next?

Have a great weekend.

P.S. The most wonderful thing happened in the wee hours yesterday morning. I opened the curtains in my living room. The moon was full and was casting a magnificent shadow on the bay. A huge cargo ship was in the bay with lights on. Sadly, the version of my iPhone couldn’t capture the beauty. As I was staring in awe, I flicked on Sirius radio. I kid you not, but Moonlight Sonata was playing. Sometimes the stars line up perfectly.

 

 

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Thursday Tidbits

Posted on October 14, 2021 under Thursday Tidbits with 2 comments

 

 

Thanksgiving Day bonfire with colleagues

 

The weeks are flying by… as they always do. I often see posts on Facebook with parents lamenting how fast their 5-year-olds are aging. Whoa. Have I got news for you. Just wait until you been kicking around the sod for 70 years.

Another Thanksgiving Day has come and gone. It was wonderful to see all the pictures on Facebook of family gatherings. I hosted a Thanksgiving potluck the day before the actual holiday. About 20 of my colleagues showed up on a brilliant, sunny afternoon. The day before and the day after were cold and rainy so the Thanksgiving gods weredefinitely on our side that day. We had a great feast and retired to the beach in front of my house. We built a nice bonfire, and I grabbed my guitar and played a few tunes.

Before going our separate ways, we made a circle around the fire and each of us said one thing for which we were thankful. It was a nice way to end a splendid afternoon. One of the youngest staff members opined that forming a circle every day in a show of thanksgiving would be a good idea. I agree, Emeraude.

Some of you wise people aren’t on Facebook so you missed a post of mine last Friday. We held a Truth and Reconciliation walk for the entire school. Afterwards we congregated at the Family House to have a snack and chat with some of the elders from the community. I was asked to remain, and I spent an hour playing music, listening to stories and sharing food and laughter. It will go down as one of the highlights of my time in the north, especially the warm hug I received from one of the elder women before leaving. These are amazing people. Wise, warm, witty, and resilient.

A few brave souls sat through one of my live Facebook concerts (Pillow Talk North) on Monday evening. Note to the host of the show: DO NOT eat a spicy marinated chicken pizza a half an hour before trying to sing. I realize that my audience is very forgiving and thankfully so because I had to burp a few times. As Lynn Anderson once sang, “I Never Promised You a Rose Garden”. It was fun chatting with friends from coast to coast. A few friends from Poland tuned in, albeit the next day with the 6- hour time difference. Unfortunately, the internet, which is normally very reliable, cut out halfway through the show, requiring me to tape two separate videos. If you happened to tune in late, you may have caught the second act first, never realizing that there was a first act. Honestly, you didn’t miss a whole lot. Just Len crooning and belching.

I don’t want you falling to the floor laughing but I have hired a personal trainer. “Len, I didn’t realize that there was a Goodlife Fitness center in Kangiqsujuaq.” There isn’t. One of our staff was a personal trainer down south and offered to work with me. With advancing age, I have found my muscles and joints seizing up more and more. I desperately need to increase my flexibility. Because I am a morning person, I do my exercises around 6:30. My goal is to be able to touch my toes by the time I’m 75!

I must say that I am getting a lot of exercise at the school. Besides my administrative duties, I have taken it upon myself to reorganize several storage rooms. Things have kind of piled up over the years and it was time for someone to purge, sort, and relabel things.

It’s hard to believe but yesterday we had to indicate our travel plans for Christmas. The Board arranges our flights and needs lots of lead time with the multitude of teacher from the south making their way across Canada for the holiday season. We all know that in the blink of an eye, the festive season will be here. While I love the north, getting a chance to go home and hang out with family and friends is a great gift.

Did it again. Seven hundred words about nothing.

Have a great weekend.

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