Posted on August 26, 2021 under Thursday Tidbits with one comment

 

 

A Covid love story

 

And now for something totally silly.

Covid has been such an odd time for all of us. Our lives have been disrupted in so many ways. Many of us have had to quarantine, sometimes more than once. Families have been forced to stay apart. People have had to wear masks and social distance. We have had to use so much hand sanitizer that our skin is nearly raw. We haven’t been able to attend weddings, funerals or birthdays. Many have had to work from home and some people, like musicians, haven’t been able to work at all.

Against this backdrop, it is hard to believe that a new romance could flourish but this is precisely the case with Victor and Nikki. Sort of. It had all the markings of a soap opera. Every bit of this story is true. Well, most of it is true.

There will be thousands of books written about Covid. Most of them will be scientific in nature but surely someone will chronicle love lost and found amid the rubble of the pandemic. One can only surmise that the pandemic was a bonanza for dating sites. These may have provided one of the only opportunities for people to meet.

Victor and Nikki bucked this trend and decided to meet the old-fashioned way – on a blind date. Wearing masks and staying six feet apart brings a whole new meaning to safe sex.

Victor lived in Glen Air Estates. Glen Air Estates is a trailer park outside of my hometown.

Mutual friends arranged for Victor to meet Nikki. Fully masked they got together for a first date. Victor, being a prince of a guy and one showing good taste, thought that a trip to a roadside power centre was a great way to get things started. What could possibly go wrong with such a romantic gesture? Love was in the air. So was the smell of gas as Victor pumped while Nikki preened, straightening her hair and adjusting her mask in the truck’s mirror.

The power centre also housed a casino. What better way to get to know someone than by sitting at $1.00 slot machines amongst the din common in gaming houses. If sweet nothings were being uttered by Victor, Nikki wasn’t able to hear them. It wasn’t that they fell on deaf ears. It was simply too noisy and Nikki couldn’t lip read with a fully masked Victor.

Mercifully, the visit was short lived.

They could have gone next door for Mary Brown’s chicken for a bite (deep fried chicken -surely the way to a girl’s heart) but Victor had other plans. He was a classy guy.

What came next was a bit of a shock to Nikki. “Would you like to go to mother’s?” She had known Victor for all of two hours and already he was anxious for Nikki to meet the family. In light of Covid, Nikki wondered about the prudence of going into a stranger’s house.

They drove back to Victor’s trailer. He parked the truck and beckoned his new love interest to walk with him. Nikki’s first instincts were that Victor’s mom also lived in the same park. Her second instinct was to run away as fast as she could. Victor had the temerity to ask her to hold his hand. Nikki had the good sense to rebuke this unwanted advance. They exited the park and started walking down the highway. Nikki kept her hands in her jean’s pockets.

Not far from Glen Air is a truly legendary restaurant called Mother Webb’s. It has been a popular eatery for many decades. Mother’s, as it is affectionately called, is known for its steaks and quick, courteous service.

Nikki, being the preceptive sort, quickly put two and two together and realized that they weren’t going to Victor’s mom’s place at all. When they arrived at the restaurant, Victor announced that it was his birthday.

One other thing that Mother Webb’s is famous for is their offer of a free meal on a person’s birthday. Victor was no fool but he certainly was a cheapskate. They sat down and he ordered “Mother’s Best”. Nikki ordered the Junior Rancher with fries and coleslaw. The one exception around masking is dining. It is very difficult, nigh impossible, to eat a steak while fully masked. The evening was already turning into a disaster as Victor’s entire script to this point was about muscle cars. As I said earlier, what could possibly go wrong. Nikki tried not to gasp when she looked at Victor’s full face for the very first time only to discover that he didn’t have a chin.

Nikki wasn’t able to finish her steak. She had lost her appetite watching Victor extract meat from his teeth with a piece of paper torn from the placemat. Ever the gallant, Victor came to the recue and polished off the final morsels on Nikki’s plate.

When the bill arrived Nikki also discovered that Victor didn’t have his wallet with him. All along he had planned to let equality rule the day and thought that each person at the table should pay their own bill. Of course, his bill was zero. Just like him. Nikki paid for her dinner and they left for the short walk back to the Estates.

Dear reader, you may be surprised that this was the only time that Nikki dated the Fresh Prince of Glen Air.

 

 

Posted on August 19, 2021 under Thursday Tidbits with 2 comments

 

Mine eyes have seen the glory

 

“Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.”

Matthew (5:38 – 41)

Peek-a-boo. I see you. Or do I?

Welcome class to anatomy 101: Part 2.

I realize that it’s the summer and you have much better things to do than read every word I publish. The lure of the beach and beer is much more compelling than me droning on about the good old days, long walks and bad teeth. For context, please read my Monday post about my trip to the IWK Children’s Hospital with my granddaughter. https://www.week45.com/monday-morning-musings-415/.

Over the past two years, I have noticed subtle changes in my vision. Maybe a lifetime of winking at the fairer sex was finally catching up to me. I wondered if all of those walks in -40 degree weather in Kangiqsujuaq had frozen my eyeballs permanently. As it turns out, and to no one’s surprise, it is just another joyful sign of the aging process. Oh, god, Len. Please don’t go down that depressing rabbit hole about aging… again.

I realize that all of my readers don’t agree with me and my points of view all the time. While we may not see eye to eye on controversial subjects like residential schools, vaccine passports or the best ice cream at Koala Kone, we get along quite well. After all, most of the things I write about are things that you would write about if you weren’t so busy suntanning.

The New York Times Saturday puzzle is challenging to say the least. Rarely have I been able to complete it without one or two Google searches. When I arrived home at the end of May, the first thing I did was ask someone to get me Saturday’s Chronicle Herald so that I could do the puzzle. Are you suggesting that I am bone lazy? Why didn’t I get off my fat, lazy arse and just walk the 100 yards to the convenience store on the corner? I was quarantining. When I opened the paper and folded the page in half, I looked down and all of the clues looked odd. It wasn’t the content of the clues that had me slightly disoriented. I couldn’t see the damn things clearly. I waited patiently until Monday morning at 8:30 and called my optometrist to book an appointment. The earliest that I could be seen, as it turned out, was in mid-August.

I am happy to report that I had my appointment on Monday and doubly so because I discovered that my winking days are not over. I stared at pictures of my eyeball (actual pictures above) and was assured by my optometrist that my eye was quite healthy and that my diminished vision was normal. My diminished mental capacity? Now that is a totally different matter. The jury is till out but most of my friends (all 3 of them) are convinced that I was totally nuts to walk 77 kilometers to celebrate my birthday.

I knew that I wouldn’t be leaving the office without a new prescription for glasses.

Have you purchased glasses recently? If yes, then you know what’s coming next.

A lovely lady spent some time trying to find frames that might make me look younger and more charming. I realized that she only had an 8-hour shift, limited patience, and that she couldn’t dedicate all of her time for me. I put her out of her misery quickly. She produced four sets of frames. I liked the first ones that I tried. We both heaved a sigh of relief.

I realized that inflationary factors would have driven up the price of glasses in four years. I got my first inkling of this last week when I saw what the tooth fairy was paying out these days. When she gave me the total, the image of Tony Soprano appeared in my mind. I reckoned that Tony and his boys must control the production and supply of all the glasses in the world. For the 2% of you that don’t know who Tony Soprano is (was), he was a mob boss in the popular television show, The Sopranos.

Earlier that same day, I received a very pleasant surprise from CRA (Canada Revenue Agency). Pleasant surprises and CRA are rarely uttered in the same breath.  My expert tax filers had filed an adjustment on my tax return, and I received a rebate just north of $800. My joy was very short lived. Can you say “hours”?

“Would you like to pay half now and the other half when the glasses are delivered?’ I understand the psychology and practicality of that question, but the fact of the matter is that my bank account would be bereft of a heavy chunk of change in a few day’s time. After paying the full amount, I had just enough left to purchase a small cheese pizza from The Wheel Pizza and Sub Shoppe.

And I thought the tooth fairy was an extortionist.

Easy come. Easy go.

I tried to rationalize this in a way most of you could relate. Twenty-four hours earlier, I didn’t have the money from CRA. The way I chose to look at it after sharing my trauma with a friend (Thanks, BG for the unique perspective), I had just received a brand new pair of stylish glasses for free!

While the technician didn’t overtly try and upsell me transition lenses (the ones that go dark after you pay for the glasses!), she did casually mention it. I reckoned that if I had two teeth pulled and had a visit from the tooth fairy, that I could easily afford this upgrade.

I can’t give you any advice, dear readers, on buying new glasses. That would be a case of the blind leading the blind.

Have a great weekend.

P.S. The small cheese pizza was delicious!

Posted on August 12, 2021 under Thursday Tidbits with 2 comments

 

 

Overlooking Ballantyne’s Cove – August 10, 2021

 

“Ooh, what a lucky he was,

Ooh what a lucky man he was”.

Lucky Man – Emerson, Lake and Palmer

Three score and ten.

It has a nice ring to it.

Back in the day, the nominal life span for a human was three score and ten which translates into 70. The miracles of modern medicine and healthy lifestyles have pushed this number considerably higher. In many ways the current crop of seniors is healthier than their parents. Not as many people smoke, diets are better, and exercise has become prevalent.

Having kicked around this planet for 70 years (and two days!) I realize that the greatest gift, besides good health, which trumps everything, is friendship. My travels and my writing have put me in contact with so many amazing people in far flung places. Of course, home is home, and I am blessed to have many family, friends, and neighbors.

My epic walk around “The Cape” to mark my 70^th birthday, put friendship on full display. Many of you commented that I was tough. An equal number opined about my sanity. I think I’m on the side of those who think I was nuts to do this.

I received well wishes from all over the world. On Day 2 of my walk as I was trudging up the hill at Ballantynes Cove, I received a message from a fellow Camino walker who lives in Italy, wishing me well. I sent her a picture of Ballantynes Cove. In real time, she was riding her bicycle through the streets of Venice. She sent me some stunning photos. It was magical.

There are simply too many people to thank who provided food, shelter, beverages, words of encouragement and donations along the way. I don’t think anyone would mind me giving a special shout out to my son, Pete, who drove out on three different occasions over the two days to bring sustenance.

I can’t lie. Day 1 was a breeze, relatively speaking. Walking 42 km is never easy but we were blessed with overcast skies and a freshening breeze almost the entire day. Day 2 was a completely different story. I was walking alone and after walking straight uphill for the first kilometer of the day, I realized that it was going to be a warm one. While “only” 35 km in length, the trip from Cape George Point to Antigonish via Lakevale, Cribbon’s etc has a higher level of difficulty with many steep climbs.

Two people who are no longer with us were front and center in my mind. When I had to dig deep to keep pushing forward, I thought of my late mother and my brother, Tom. These were two tough and remarkably energetic people. There was no quit in either one of them. As well, I was using the knapsack and hiking poles that Tom gave to me before he died.

At the 25 km mark, I could feel myself overheating. Luckily and mercifully, this was the exact spot where a few family and friends had agreed to meet me to join me for the last 10km. I phoned them and asked them to bring a cold wet towel, a bag of ice, more Gatorade and water. My brothers took considerable pleasure pouring ice cold water down my neck, head and in my face! Brotherly love never felt so good!

The final lap we turned and went into The Landing. The shade and absence of traffic was amazing and oh so welcome. Near the end of The Landing, I was met by two of my sisters and my niece who greeted me with balloons.

I wasn’t feeling too chipper when the walk ended. Despite my best efforts to stay hydrated, I believe my sodium was low and my electrolytes needed a major boost. It was a bit disappointing that I couldn’t join the family for my birthday dinner at a local restaurant. Instead of steak and red wine, I drank some more Gatorade and ate salty chips. It didn’t take too long for me to feel better.

I lay on my bed and started to read the hundreds of birthday messages. It was quite overwhelming. There is no way that I could possibly answer all of them, so I am sending a huge collective THANK YOU to each and every one of you.

And yes, you guys came through big time. We were able to collect $3500 in donations to go to two worthy projects in my adopted village of Kangiqsujuaq, Quebec.

I would be remiss if I didn’t thank my walking partner on Day 1. Brenda Gould, who owns Elm Gardens, put up with me for the long, excruciating first day of my walk. This had nothing to do with the length of the walk or the weather. Despite the fact that her runners literally disintegrated during the trek, she never uttered a complaint and tolerated my good-natured ribbing at having brought along the wrong footwear the morning of the walk. A year ago, she struggled to walk from one end of Main Street to the other. If anyone needs inspiration, look no further than Brenda. With hard work and determination, anything is possible.

Truly, I am a lucky man.

Have a great weekend.