Posted on September 5, 2013 under Thursday Tidbits with no comments yet

Do they teach “shameless self promotion ” at school? If there were such a course then I should be the first instructor as I again draw your attention to our big fundraiser coming up three weeks from today. The word is starting to get out. The combination of posters, ads in the paper and radio spots is building up awareness for the “Phil and Len” show at the magnificent Schwartz auditorium on September 26th. Grab some friends and come out for an evening of storytelling with all proceeds going to charity.

Thankfully my editor has returned from Montreal and she put the finishing touches on the story called ” Of Vice and Men”. Many of you may have not seen the first promo of this story last Saturday while you were busy stuffing your face with cotton candy at the Fall Fair. This is a story about standing in a lineup waiting for someone who is getting their lottery tickets checked. Doesn’t sound like a complicated plot until you factor in the lineup that continues to build as this person painstakingly goes through ticket by ticket in molasses like fashion. Me and lineups. You will see me revisit this topic on more than one occasion.

The other reason you may not have checked in on Saturday ( shame on you ) is that you may have been getting things ready for the first day of school. I read one post on Facebook that had just a hint of sarcasm that alluded to the fact that today was the first of 195 days to prepare something interesting for your child’s lunch. I suspect that a story, or several for that matter, could be written about this subject.

A colleague at work was recounting a story about a friend’s daughter who was heading off to university in Halifax. That, in and of itself, is hardly worthy of a story. It is what she said next that got my undivided attention. Apparently the apartment that she was moving into had not been cleaned. Is there anything more soul destroying than cleaning someone else’s squalor? Well, if you are an experienced parent, then you know that there is a hierarchy of dirt. Cleaning up your own house or apartment is one matter. Doing it for your children after a “summer sublet” ratchets up the disgust level but the ultimate gross out, is cleaning a perfect stranger’s  ( asshole’s…oops, I mean arsehole’s ) dump. I had to pay homage to filth so I wrote a little piece called “Down and Dirty”. Coming soon.

Hopefully you are all settling back in the groove that is September.

Have a great day.

Posted on September 3, 2013 under Storytelling with no comments yet

You can feel it in the air. There is coolness in the early morning and late evening breeze that is a harbinger of fall.  Some leaves have already fallen off of the trees although this can be attributed to some disease affecting the maples in our neighborhood.  The days are getting shorter and you can almost feel the angst as teachers gird themselves for another year of reining in children for whom September has come too soon.  Summer is drawing to a close, which also means it’s time for the Fall Fair.

It seems like nothing stays the same any more.  The world is moving at warp speed.  Everything happens quickly and it seems that even what you had for breakfast can be transmitted to your breathless friends on Facebook.  Might I suggest you just chill out for a moment and hop on the Merry Go ‘Round.

The local Fall Fair, otherwise known as The Eastern Nova Scotia Exhibition, has been going on for an eternity.  Some records place the beginning sometime in the late 1800’s and early on, the Exhibition grounds were located at what is now Columbus Field.

Earlier this year there were some doubts as to whether the community would have the Exhibition at all.   My favorite event at the Fair is the tug of war…. no, not the one waged recently between the Town and County at considerable expense over unpaid taxes.  Talk about a Merry Go Round.  We should have just asked the carnies to sort that one out.

All of these Exhibitions have their roots in the agricultural community so it is no surprise that one of the most important days of the Exhibition is 4H day.  I never truly appreciated this until some of our children took part in 4H.  The chickens and rabbits got better care by exhibitors and judges alike than many human beings do.  Including the poor parents who fed and housed the menagerie in the off season.  Did I mention that some things never change?

With all due respect to agriculture, the Midway is the centrepiece of the four day spectacle if you are a child or still young at heart.  The adrenalin starts pumping the moment the Ferris Wheel appears above the tree line on Fairview Street.  For those with the stomach for it, the Tilt a Whirl is a staple.  My personal preference is the Caterpillar ride.

When it comes to food, it can be pretty well summed up with two words: French fries and cotton candy.  The fries are generally soggy and constitute “heart attack on a plate”.  And when it comes to cotton candy, it is an all-out territorial war between small children and the wasps that inevitably hover close by.

And carefully orchestrating the entire spectacle, like the Wizard of Oz, is Donald who quietly and efficiently masterminds the Exhibition.  He has been doing this for a very long time, although I doubt even he remembers the Ex at Columbus Field.

Don’t expect the find any cronuts at the Exhibition.  These tasty morsels have garnered a lot of media attention lately, most of it bad.  You see, the Exhibition is about tradition and Donald isn’t likely to have an appetite for exotic grub.

Fare is fair.

Posted on September 2, 2013 under Monday Morning Musings with no comments yet

Some of you are old enough to remember the band “Earth, Wind and Fire”. If you are not, go to Youtube and search for the song “September”. Have a listen.

Give your head a shake. Yes, it’s September again and a time of change. A change in the seasons and often a time of transition for many families. For young families, it may be the start of school for your 5 year old. This is both an exhilarating and traumatic event… for the parents!  And you could say much the same about your last child heading off to university, especially if they are going somewhere that is not in your hometown. It is a defining moment for families and a lot of mixed emotion. The first few weeks are odd when the usual chaos and bustle subsides and is replaced by silence. But like everything else, you get used to it and I can assure you that this feeling is fleeting and temporary. They will be back!

“If you build it, they will come”. ( Field of Dreams ). “If you humiliate yourself, they will come”. ( Field of Nightmares ). Ah yes, I certainly got your attention on the weekend with the story, “Getting an Earful” and the accompanying photo. I thought about posting this photo for some time as it was taken many months ago. I finally got up the nerve to do it after a pretty stressful week last week. I thought, what the hell. What have I got to lose besides my dignity? I knew it would make people laugh and that is what this project is all about. One kind soul commented “your stories pick me up when I’m down”. That is all the flattery and motivation I need to keep doing these stories.

Have you ever gotten stuck in a lineup at a convenience store behind a person who is cashing in their lottery tickets? And who wants to re-invest their precious dividends in more tickets, all the while causing a major traffic jam like the 401 at rush hour? This has happened to me so many times that I finally had to write about it. I was as charitable as I could be. The story is called “Of Vice and Men”, a steal from the classic John Steinbeck novel “Of Mice and Men” which is about two migrant workers during the Great Depression. One of the characters is Lennie. ( hint: lineup, lottery tickets, depression, Lennie ). You see, this is how my twisted mind works when I come up with these stories.

And coming up tomorrow is my story about the recently concluded Exhibition or,  Fall Fair,  as the locals refer to it. The story is called “Fall Fare” .

Hope you have a good week and don’t forget the big fundraiser coming up on September 26th. Support a great charity and have a few laughs while you’re at it.