Bra Beaten
Posted on March 24, 2015 under Storytelling with no comments yet
Busting a move
It all started in the Garden of Eden. Since the beginning of time, men have been fascinated by their female counterparts. Nowhere is this more prevalent (and dangerous, I might add) than when men dare to comment about a woman’s appearance. In the this age of enlightenment and political correctness, it is a brave man indeed who pays a compliment to the fairer sex, unless he has been married to her for over 50 years. (You’re a few years short of a home run, buddy … The editor.)
So most guys have to figure out other ways to earn respect on the domestic scene. Thinking of becoming an explosives operator? Try laundry duty if you really want to earn your danger pay.
Have you ever offered to wash your wife’s clothing? Her undergarments, specifically? I vividly remember my wedding vows. When did “to have and to hold” turn into “to wash and to fold?”
My wife is a tax preparer and at this time of the year she is going flat out, which means that I take over a lot of the household chores. I do a reasonably good job at putting a basic meal on the table and I am more than happy to do the dishes and other tasks. This includes the laundry. This is not a big deal as I did my own all through my twenties before getting married. Washing men’s clothing is straight ahead. You can pretty well fire everything in the wash machine, use hot water and let ‘er rip. Take everything out of the wash machine and toss it all in the dryer: high heat.
Several years ago I surprised my wife by completing the weekend wash while she was at work. I used the same tactics as I had employed years ago with my own dirty clothes. This is when I found out that doing laundry, especially a woman’s unmentionables, is a very big deal indeed. It didn’t take me long to figure out that only a fool (a man, of course) would knowingly launder his wife’s undergarments.
Most guys I know have a passing knowledge of bras. Many could have discovered them for the first time while flipping through the Sears catalog. Yes, as our fingers tripped through the pages, anxious to get to the sporting goods section, we would take a quick peek at women’s lingerie. At least that’s what I’ve been told.
So, in order to save some of you poor slobs from suffering humiliating indignities, let me give you a few pointers about laundering bras:
Do not wash them in hot water. Never do this. Ever.
Wash them all at once. Apparently a solitary bra will die of loneliness unless it is washed with every other bra of its owner. I have coined a new term for this: bra bunching. This leaves me wondering what women wear when all the bras are in the wash at once.
Do not put them in the dryer… ever. (They are called “delicates” for a reason – The editor)
I have been told by good sources that Victoria’s Secret sells women’s lingerie.
And what, pray tell, is Victoria’s secret? Stick to your Stanfields, big guy.
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