Caffeine Cravings

Posted on February 23, 2013 under Storytelling with no comments yet

A recent announcement of a huge winter storm sent people scurrying to the grocery store to load up with essentials like food, water and candles.  The threat of freezing rain and possible power outages creates a herd mentality.  Let’s face it.  To survive in the midst of a power failure, storm surges or pestilence,  you need the necessities of life, including food and water… and coffee.  While it may not be your cup of tea, a cup of coffee is more important to some people than a blood transfusion.  To wit, the lineups at a national coffee chain are significantly longer than those at blood donor clinics.

Some of our spouses absolutely refuse to get out of bed until they can smell the coffee brewing in the morning.  Like Pavlov’s dog, they are conditioned to the sound of the coffee maker when it beeps to indicate that the coffee is ready.  They salivate at just the thought of the imminent caffeine fix.  When the indicator goes off, even if they are in the middle of a dream, they will bolt upright and appear at the kitchen table like a zombie,  waiting to wrap their hands around a mug of java.  I found that this is much more highly desirable than having those same hands wrapped around your throat on the off chance that that they show up before the coffee is ready.  Yeah.  And I have a chance at winning the lottery.

A car won’t run without gas.  A cow can’t produce milk without eating hay.  Apparently most of the free world cannot function until it has caffeine coursing through its veins early in the morning.  In the height of the worst winter storm imaginable, where will you find lineups?  At the national coffee chains, of course.   When the police insist that vehicles stay off the roads during a storm except for emergency vehicles, little do they realize that a car or truck constitutes an emergency vehicle if coffee is required on the home front.  At least they don’t have to go far to arrest transgressors.

And when the power does go out at home, think Boy Scouts.  Be prepared.  You must remember to have a portable radio, candles, and water, at a bare minimum.  And you must have a way to make coffee.  The venerable Coleman stove has saved a lot of marriages.  And more recently portable generators have become all the rage.  Don’t be fooled.  People don’t buy these to keep food from thawing or to keep a few lights on.  You know what they are really used for.

We are thinking about acquiring a team of huskies.  In a crisis, we could mush our way to the coffee shop in the worst weather Mother Nature could throw at us.  Hopefully the “no pets” sign doesn’t include sled dogs.

So, wake up and smell the coffee, folks.  We may have global warming, the oceans may be rising and greenhouse gases could be destroying the ozone.  As long as we have coffee, the planet (and my marriage) will survive.

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