Posted on December 5, 2013 under Thursday Tidbits with 2 comments

 READY FOR LIFTOFF!

Who says there no such thing as a free launch! Come to the People’s Place Library this evening at 7:00 p.m., have a few laughs and enjoy some free refreshments. Can you imagine the gong show it would turn into if an author offered free booze, especially with the proximity to Piper’s Pub? We will be offering hot and cold apple cider and a few sweets… even some that are gluten free. I am pretty certain that at least two people are coming – my wife and my editor. I hope some of you can make it.

Some people were commenting that  the rain and high winds the last few days wreaked havoc on their outdoor Christmas decorations. While I feel badly for you, I must confess that I did not suffer the same fate. I didn’t put up our decorations yet and even if they blew to China, you would be hard pressed to notice the difference. I could possibly be the most unimaginative person when it comes to these sorts of things. I decorate outdoors and indoors with the same enthusiasm as putting out the recycling on garbage days. It is my duty. To paraphrase the infamous words of the late U.S. President, Richard Nixon ( when he was tossed out of office in 1974 ), ” I am not a Grinch.” For those of you too young to remember, go and Google this and see what he actually said.

I have two story ideas rattling around in my head. I have friends ( yes, I actually do! ) who returned from a vacation in Europe recently. When I asked them what they found most unusual they replied that paying to use a public washroom caught them off guard. This was especially nettlesome for the women as they had to pay and the men didn’t. How can I possibly let this one pass, me being the great defender of women’s rights! Coming soon, ” Don’t Pee Long.”

How come every single day, I come upon a shopping related story? One of our staff was at a downtown convenience store the other day replenishing our coffee cream supply for the office. She got caught in a lineup. The person at the front of the line was restocking smoking supplies… papers, tobacco and papers to roll the cigarettes. The person next in line, in front of our staff person, was discretely carrying a magazine, Hustler, to be exact. The rest, as they say, is history. Not sure about a title yet. Ideas? Van McCoy and the Soul City Symphony did a song back in 1975 called “Do The Hustle.” It is ( was) a brutal song. Don’t take my word. Go and listen to it on Youtube.

Just to get everyone in the mood, I will be posting a story I wrote a year ago called ” O Christmas Tree.” If the radio stations can play the “Twelve Days of Christmas” every year, then I can post this story every year. Back in the day, we used to take our four small children to the woods and cut our own tree. Imagine the joy and bliss of that exercise if just one of the four was having a bad day!

If you happen to miss the book launch ( I cannot possibly imagine anything else being more important!!! ), I will be at the 5 to $1.00 on Saturday morning from 11:00 – 1:00.

Have a great weekend. And remember, the key to happiness is being grateful.

Posted on November 28, 2013 under Thursday Tidbits with one comment

It was oh so pleasant Sunday to come home from white sandy beaches to white snowy highways. Not complaining… just saying.

It doesn’t take long for reality to set in again.

It is very busy at work and I’m getting things in place for the two book launches ( Dec. 5th. and 12th. ) and the other two book signings at the Prissy Pig ( Dec. 4th. 11:30-1:30 ) and the 5 to $1:00 ( Dec. 7th. 11:00 – 1:00 ). I had my single biggest order to date this week… 50 books. I sat at the kitchen table at 5:00  yesterday morning and signed them all. I felt like a rock star. I am thinking that the initial order of books will sell out in the next few weeks. Thanks to everyone who has supported this venture to date.

I have one final story from our trip to Florida and it’s NOT a shopping story although there is a passing reference. The story expresses the mixed emotions of arriving and departing from your holiday destination. You arrive with lots of cash and clothes that fit. You leave with a different set of variables. The story is called ” Shrinkage” and will appear on my website on Saturday.

And speaking of website, we are very close to launching the revamped website.

Ok. Down to serious business. You just know that I will be writing one or more stories about Christmas. There are parts of the season that I love and parts of it…. Let’s just leave it at that. On my way back from Port Hawkesbury on Wednesday, I noticed that outdoor lights are already up and that Christmas music has made it’s grand entrance.  I accept these things. But I am just bracing myself for the first person who utters these utterly inane words… ” have you finished your Christmas shopping yet?” I think I will go to a company that makes buttons and get them to make one that is oversized that says something like ” I don’t shop so please don’t ask me if I’m done.” Sorry, but that phrase makes me want to run as fast as I can to Jimtown and jump into the ocean.

You know you’re old when…. One of my favorite people ordered 8 books. I dutifully signed them and did a home delivery. A few weeks later, the same person called and asked if it was possible that I had not delivered all the books. My response was immediate. Sure it’s possible. Maybe even likely. I’m 62 and memory lapses are becoming more frequent. So, I grabbed another book out of the box, inscribed it and delivered it. There was a tussle on the doorstep as I refused to take payment. Fair enough. Later in the evening,  I received a communique from my friend. She is roughly the same age. And guess what? She now has two books with the very same inscription. Luckily the book is destined for a married couple so there will be a “his” and “hers” version under  their tree. Gotta love the aging process.

Have a great weekend, everyone. 🙂

Posted on November 14, 2013 under Thursday Tidbits with no comments yet

The full frontal assault on Christmas has begun in the United States and I suspect that it is no different at home. Actually, there were lots of signs of Christmas long before November 11th. Down here, Veteran’s Day is reputedly the second busiest shopping day of the year next to Black Friday around Thanksgiving Day. It is hard to fathom that there was ever a recession. I had the pleasure of driving the ladies to several area malls and the traffic was stifling. That’s the bad news. The good news is that it gave me fodder for a story. Because tourism is so vital to the economy, client service is a huge deal. It is ingrained in their DNA. There was at least one person at a gas station that didn’t get the memo on this one and she figures prominently in the story ” Shell Lacking.”

Not surprisingly, the Senate story gets absolutely no mileage in Florida, but the media is all over the Rob Ford story. I haven’t received any hate mail yet for yesterday’s story, “Something Smells.” High school football gets more coverage than stories coming out of Canada. This is not a criticism, just an observation. Just saying.

It’s hard for me to not write stories about shopping, especially because it is the principal activity of most of the tourists. I provide a vital service as a chauffeur to and from the malls for the women in our complex. It’s all about the deals. The discussion always comes back to how much money was saved. Never do I hear how much was spent. And how the calculations are made leaves my head spinning. I am reasonably good at math but when I try to figure out a 20% discount after a 50% discount on the 70% discounted price, well, I need to pull out the old slide rule. Coming soon, “Playing the Percentages.”

I brought a number of my books on the trip. We have friends from all over who congregate here every year on week 45. It is a bit surreal to watch someone sitting in a pool deck chair curled up with YOUR book and then engaging you in a conversation about a particular story. Not surprisingly , the whole notion of high school dances in the story “Those Were The Days” has themes that are truly universal. One guy was telling me about the humiliation of asking a girl to dance and being promptly “shot down” to the hoots and howls of his male buddies.

If you’ve never tried it, might I be so bold as to suggest Reiki if you want to alleviate stress and help with some lingering aches and pains. One of our time share friends is a Reiki master teacher and I spent an hour with her yesterday. Time and money well spent. Reiki is part of holistic healing. I am a big believer in non traditional medicine.

Hope you all have a splendid weekend.