Posted on January 20, 2013 under Storytelling with one comment

The very fact that I am able to type this story indicates that my computer is working. Like most other people of modest computer knowledge, my love/hate affair with technology is a given. When my computer behaves, it is arguably me best ally. I can communicate rapidly with friends near and far and at work. It is the engine that makes my business function at a reasonably high level.

Why then, do I occasionally want to tear it from my desk, put it under the back tires of my car and drive back and forth until the last byte has been removed? Because computers are smart enough to recognize stupidity. It’s almost like the tips of my finger have an inner barcode that when placed on a computer keyboard indicate ineptitude.

Part of my handicap is that I have never taken a typing course and the qwerty keyboard remains a giant puzzle. I am reduced to the hunt and peck method. If I’ve consumed too much coffee and I try for speed, the resulting text is dyslexic. The back arrow is one of my favorite keys on the computer and probably the most well used.

I am generally speaking, a patient man. I rarely lose my temper and have an even keeled demeanor. That is, until I go to the office at 7:00 in the morning to get a head start on the day. The computer gods sense my presence as I hit the power button. Without fail, I encounter some sort of system error. Part of it is self induced if I try to enter a program before the computer stops churning and grinding as part of its warmup activity. God forbid if you try to get into a program a nano second too early for then the dreaded hourglass appears on your screen.

And that’s when my temperature starts to rise. I know that I am in the throes of mortal combat and from experience know that I will come out on the losing end. It’s called an hour glass for a reason because that’s how long it feels when you’re waiting to get work under way. I keep a hammer close by and some day when my computer needs to be replaced, I just might have a go at it. In my world rebooting means repeatedly kicking my computer.

In the meantime, I wait for the computer to give me a reprieve. When I have exhausted my patience, I go for my other three favorite keyboard symbols: CTRL/ALT/DEL. But, as I have learned, this is not always a quick and effective way to bring your computer to its senses. Sometimes it angers the computer and rather than giving up easily, it decides that the user is a moron and must repeatedly, be taught a lesson. All of a sudden, I am pressing those three keys again and now my computer screen is taunting me with so many different symbols that I may as well be in a corn maze.

Thankfully the voice of reason rings inside my thick skull. It is the voice of my wife who has told me on more than one occasion (!) to step away from the computer for about twenty minutes.  Thus pacified, my computer goes into auto correct and the love affair resumes. Until the next time I get jilted.

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