Last Waltz

Posted on June 25, 2013 under Storytelling with no comments yet

Romance is in the air.  Well, not quite.  Our property is perilously close to a farm and just today I saw, or should I say, I smelled, the manure spreader heading up Hawthorne towards Sylvan Valley.  Any day now, when the wind shifts from the North, we should be graced with the lovely aroma of liquid pig manure.  It doesn’t get any more romantic than that.  Unless, of course, you are planning for your big day.  The month of June is upon us and love is in the air.

Do you remember your wedding day?  If you’re my age you might not remember what you had for breakfast this morning.  Was it a church wedding?  What was the weather like?  Speaking of weather, the day before we got married, a hurricane roared through the area wreaking havoc on the shoreline, leveling trees and causing extensive property damage.  Was this an omen of stormy days ahead for me and my new bride?  We’re still together after 31 years so maybe that large branch that whacked me on the head on our wedding day knocked some sense into me.  Or did my bride smack me up the side of the head?  Darn.  There goes that memory thing again.

So, what factors determine the outcome of a marriage?  Some of the elite might look at the level of education and suggest that the first argument is just around the corner because the couple lacks “higher learning”.  Back in my college days, all that meant was going to class with a hint of marijuana in the blood system.  OK.  So neither of them studied Chaucer or can readily cite the Pythagorean Theorem.  Basic home maintenance skills trump that, hands down.  

Others judge on the basis of the income levels of the betrothed.  But as my wise old grandfather said, “it’s not what you make but what you spend”.  Most of us know that money and education are no guarantees of wedded bliss.

But I can tell you with near certainty what might be the best indicator of the survival of a marriage: the first waltz at the wedding reception.  May I respectfully suggest some songs that should not constitute the first waltz: “Does This Ring Hurt Your Finger”, “She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft”, and “Take This job and Shove it”. Oh, and how about “ My Best Friend’s Wife is the Love of My Life”.

Guys.  In all due respect to Charlie Pride, Jerry Reed , Johnny Paycheck and Paul Anka,  these songs just don’t strike the right chord when you whisk your new bride onto the dance floor.  She might not appreciate your taste in country music and the subliminal messages that this genre of music so cleverly disguises.  Be careful because her first request might be “Send in The Clowns”.

Take it from me.  Throw up a lob ball and let her hit it out of the park.  Ask the DJ to crank up “Can I Have This Dance” by Anne Murray or a modern-day equivalent.  You don’t want the first waltz to be the last.

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